It sure has been an interesting year, hasn’t it? It’s only taken me 8 months (almost 9) (and really 35 years) to understand what my lesson of the year is.
Back in January, I received a message from a very disgruntled client who claimed to have hated the reading that I had given her. She told me that I had no gift, and that I was ‘scamming’ people out of their money.
This hit me hard. I was ashamed. I was upset. I thought, What am I even doing? Why should I even bother? I completely dismantled myself within my own thoughts on her judgment of me. I sent her her money back. I wished her well. And I felt like giving up my dream.
But I worked through it. I tried harder and harder with each client to ‘prove’ that I was real~~ that I had a gift~~ that I was here to help. In hindsight, it wasn’t my clients that I had to prove myself to but rather myself that I had to prove myself to.
Fast forward to the past month, and I have been told on two different occasions that I do not love someone. Once from one of my children who claim that I don’t love them enough (based on the fact that I was away one weekend when an incident occurred and didn’t ‘punish’ their sibling) and one from a loved one, who I care and cherish deeply but not in the way that they expected from me.
It was these two acts, that happened within a matter of days of one another that I had a bit of a break down.
Thoughts are a tricky thing. They tell you non truths and truths, and sometimes you can’t differentiate between the two.
All I knew in that moment was that I wasn’t enough. My love wasn’t enough. Who I was wasn’t enough, and it would never be enough. I couldn’t love right. I couldn’t love enough. Maybe my ex from high school was right. Maybe I was incapable of love.
I thought for a moment, I need to prove to them that I love them. I need to show them in all ways possible that I love them.
And then I realized, I AM LOVE.
There is nothing for me to prove.
There is nothing for me to become.
I can only be who I am and love how I love.
And some people will gladly receive it. And some people will push it away.
But that doesn’t change who I am.
I am tired of ‘proving myself’ to others.
More importantly, I am tired of ‘proving myself’ to ME. If this year has taught me anything, it is that
Nothing can change that unless I allow myself to surrender to every thought that every person has of me. And then I would go crazy.. I wouldn’t know where I stand. Some people tell me how great I am. Some people tell me how aweful I am. And sometimes it’s easier to believe the worst of the worst of who you are, because it reminds you of the old small story.
But that chapter has closed.
I don’t need to prove anything. You don’t need to prove anything.
We are all here…eternal beings of love, showing up in all kinds of crazy ways, allowing the Universe to express itself in every aspect.
For every person that is out there saying that you’re not ‘smart enough/loving enough/kind enough/psychic enough/skinny enough/fat enough/strong enough, there is someone out there who will say, I see you just as you are and I accept you. And that’s really all you need. To embrace all of who you are, and all that you have to offer. The right people will see it. And love you for all of it (even the messy bits).
Until next time,
Catherine Graham is an intuitive, healer, and owner of Journey Healers. Catherine is also a mom of 7, and two granddaughters. She has been working with Spirit since 2004. Any comments or questions can be emailed to her at Catherine@journeyhealers.com